47. Fears in Discernment

DISCERNMENT UPDATE!!

So about 2 months ago I went to a discernment retreat and one of the Sisters giving a presentation asked a question."What is it that you're afraid of; what is holding you back?" At the time I thought I was fearless. "Nothing is holding me back; I've given it all to God and I'm not afraid of a religious vocation!"

This evening I had one of those wonderful times in Adoration when you just cry and let Jesus hear everything that you perceive to be wrong with your life. Afterwards, as I was driving around, He told me that I'm not really fearless. I finally realized that I am afraid - and not only afraid, DEATHLY AFRAID - of this waiting period that the Sisters of Life have me on. I'm afraid that God is using that to tell me that I'm not supposed to be a Sister, and that I should just give up. This hit me like a brick - and out of the blue, I must say!

I know that God doesn't create or cause fear of this type (Fear of the Lord, yes. But this kind, no), so I can tell that this fear is irrational and of the Enemy.

Not only is God awesome, but He uses people to prove it!

Less than 2 hours after I got home, I got a text message from my Spiritual Director (I must say, he's awesome!) reminding me that tomorrow after Mass there will be a presentation on the Immaculate Conception given by 2 Sisters from downstate. He had told me about this order at my last meeting with him, and I sort of put them in the back of my mind, as I am really focused and intent on entering with Sisters of Life. But these sisters work in evangelization, one thing that I really love, and I took the time this evening to check out their website. They look awesome! The order is the Parish Visitors of Mary Immaculate, found HERE

And not only that, but Father had forgotten to mention before that the Mother Superior would be coming to this presentation! :D How awesome can this be!?

My prayer is that after talking with them tomorrow I will have a clear sense of if I should pursue this order or not. Please pray for me. I'll update this after I come home tomorrow evening.

Thank you and God bless!!

~SSWW (Kylie)